iWhore

OK.

I know there’s been a bit of a hiatus in my posts – apologies to my fan (there must be one, mustn’t there?). The truth is, I’ve started a new relationship and that’s taken up a bit of time. Yes, it’s true. Apple and I have started seeing each other, and we’re very happy.

In the past year I have totally converted to Apple products. I bought a MacBook Pro back in August and haven’t used a PC since – except at work, and that’s a real slog (I never realised how slow they are until I entered the heavenly vestibule that is Mac).

Then in May, I became the proud owner of the biggest iPhone there ever was. An iPad. Now, I hate that moniker – that all it is is a big phone or iPod Touch. It’s not. It’s much more than that. Since I got it, it’s become my prime means of accessing the Internet from home. I watch television and films on it, shop on it, play games on it, read books on it, read magazines on it, check email – oh you name it, there’s an app I’ve got. I even found a recipe for the most delicious omelette on it (the Arnold Bennet, in case you are wondering) and used it as my recipe book as I was cooking.

I’d had an iPhone for some time, and was really naffed off when the 3Gs came out – if I’d waited, I said to myself, then I could have had the latest one. But alas, the Apple envy meant I bought a little early on that and had to stick with the 3G. Listen to me, ‘stick with…’ – it’s one of the best phones I’ve ever had. I had never known internet connectivity like that before. It really improved my FaceBantering no end (and that’s started something massive, let me tell you!).

And then, and then, this weekend I caved and came out to the world. I am in love with Apple. I upgraded to the iPhone 4 – the sleek beauty that it is. The screen is delectably crisp and clear, the multi-tasking switching worthy of something out of Star Trek (the windows fold behind each other. Gasp!). FaceTime. Compass. iOS4. Aaaaaah. Can you hear the angel choir sing every time you pass by someone with an iPhone 4. I can.

I really can.

I love the design of all their devices. I love the thought gone into user interfaces. I love, yes I do, I love iTunes (I don’t care what people say about locking things down: it’s simple, it’s easy. I’m tired of having to make things PC work; on Apple they just do. Life’s too short for PCs). iBooks is great and simple to use – on iPad and iPhone.

It’s just all scrummy loveliness. I have eschewed PCs and Microsoft from my personal life. I have shaken the dust off my feet (had to take my shoes off and put them back on again – typical PC fix, there). I have ‘moved on’. I am Apple’s entirely. Utterly. Devotedly. Forever.

So that’s it. Apple and I are going to get married, have iBabies, and iLive iHappily Ever After.

Perhaps I should change my name to Stephen Fry?

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